i just had sex bonerless
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
