Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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