I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
