Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
