is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
