I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
