it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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