Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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