It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
