Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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