It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
