your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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