Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
