He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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