This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
