1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
