How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
