I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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