only if we run a train.
done.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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