My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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