Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
