grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Come on in and take your pants off
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