seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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