be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
