i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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