he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
