1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
