His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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