we made out on top of his cat.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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