Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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