So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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