I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
