What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
