the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
