If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
