dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
