No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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