the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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