what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
what is it with giant penises always finding me
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
