your room smells of hookers.
And success
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
