My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
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