don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
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I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
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He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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