Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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