he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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