Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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