After last night, I could never be a politician.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
