I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Acid is not a monday night drug
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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