I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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