Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
