i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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