It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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