unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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