in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
