I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
