he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Your dad touched me again.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
