You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
