were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
