She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
