ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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