I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
