Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Watching her eat just hurts me
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My dick has a subreddit
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
