They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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