drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
