I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
