On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
