He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
