I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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