I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
