haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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