My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You made out with two different species that night
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
