just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
