Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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