right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Who died my cat blue again?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
