Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
