We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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