do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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