She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm going to jail i love you
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
