yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
