just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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