stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
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He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
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We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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