When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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