I feel great
I just peed on a car
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
