hotel room ftw
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
