You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
